The Three Children of Fortune
by Mika-chan
Summary: Based on Grimms Fairy Tales, Heero, Duo and Trowa embark on a journey in search of their fortune. Throw in me, the narrator waves, very PG-rated language and a few islands and you get a living hell world for our favorite GW characters
1. The Three Children of Fortune...Part One...

*claps hands together* Okay people!  Get into costumes, chop chop!

Duo:  Ne Mika . . . why do we have to do this?

Mika: ::blink-blink::  How can you even _ask_ that Duo-kun?  I thought you'd be happy to be doing this. *innocent look*

Duo: . . . hells no! *holds up script* I don't even get to kiss Heero once in this! *mutters* or anything else for the matter . . .

Mika: *sweats* Uh . . . uh . . . the next one!  Yes, I promise I'll let you have him in the next one ^_^

Duo: I dunno . . .

Mika: *bows head and clasps hands overhead* Please!!!!  I don't ask too much of you guys *whimpers*

Quatre: Duo, it won't be too bad.  Anyway, this is Mika we're talking about.  She's not half as crazed as the other GW fans out there...

MLers: *glare*

Quatre: *sweatdrop* um . . . but that's why we love them so much??

MLers: *grin*

Quatre: -_-

Duo:  *pouts* Well, you have nothing to worry about.  At least you get Trowa!

Trowa: . . .

Duo: ACK!  Don't DO that Trowa!  

Trowa: . . .

Duo: *waves hand* It's all right.  I'm getting used to it.  Heero DOES do that every second.

Heero: . . .

Duo: -_-

Mika: Ano...could we start please?

D&Q: *not very enthusiastic* Haaaii.

H&T: . . .

Mika: ^_^  All right!  Now get into costumes!  *yells back stage* You too, Fei-chan!

Fei-cha...er Wufei: ONNA!  I REFUSE to be a part of this!

Mika: But I let you be king.  I think that's a nice role.

Wufei: *twitch-twitch before opening mouth for a not-so-nice remark* I--

Ticked Mika: YOU'RE GOING TO PLAY THAT PART, AND YOU'RE GOING TO LIKE IT!!!! *looks at everyone*  NOW GET INTO COSTUME!!!!!

HAI!

Disclaimers: I do not own any of the g-boys. They belong to Sunrise and other companies, etc.  I'm using them without permission, but for entertainment purposes ONLY.  This is fans for fans.  Me broke, so suing me would get you nothing but the lint in my pockets...but I'm kinda attached to that too, so basically you would get nothing ^_^

Warnings:  Well, other than my lousy attempt at humor, complete OOC-ness for all characters and maybe a little yaoi . . . for now ^_~

Sane Mika: Okay, and now, without further ado, I present the G-boys in our rendition of Grimms' Fairytales: "The Three Children of Fortune"

*bows deeply* Enjoy the show!

"The Three Children of Fortune" Part One!

A parody by Mika ^_^

Once upon a time, a father sent for his three sons, for he would be dying soon and wanted to give something of his to them before he kicked the bucket.  Hearing of the news, his sons came at once.

. . .

*a little louder* Hearing of the news, his sons came at once.

. . .

*eyebrow twitching* I said . . . _HEAR_ing of the NEWS, his SONS came AT ONCE!

*Trowa enters the set clad in a loose green v-neck shirt, with a pair of loose tanned pants that stopped at the knee, meeting white knee socks.  He wore a pair of black boots and . . . was alone.*

. . .

Mika aka The Narrator: . . . Trowa, where are your brothers?

Trowa: . . . *points backstage*

backstage

Heero: . . . Duo, I am perfectly capable of putting on my own pants.

Duo: Oh, I know that, Heero, but isn't it nicer when _I_ do it for you? *predatory grin*

Heero: . . .

Mika: -_- . . . GET THE ?!$@$#@*&$ OUT HERE!  NOW!!!!

*Duo runs out wearing similar clothing as Trowa but in black.  Heero stumbled out as well, pulling on his . . . pants.  He wore blue.*

Duo: Ready! *grins and looks over at Heero*

Heero: . . .

Mika: . . . back to the story.

Hearing of the news, his sons came at once.  When they arrived, each son was given an item.  The eldest son, Heero was given a...cock.  The second, Duo, was given a scythe and the third, Trowa, was given a cat.

H&D&T: *looking dumbly at the objects in their hands*

Duo: WOW!  A scythe!!! A scythe of my very own!!!!!  Arigato, papa Treize!

Papa Treize: *clears throat* I am now old.

Their father said, though he looked no older than 23 with his dirty blonde hair and aristocratic air.

Papa Treize: My end is nearing and as a father, I must ensure that your lives will be prosperous and that you will be provided for, before I die.  Money I have none...

Heero: *mutters as he looks at his...cock* Obviously.

Papa Treize: *looks pointedly at Heero before continuing* ...and what I give you seems of but little worth...

Heero: Bingo.

Papa Treize: AHEM!  It rests with YOURSELVES alone to turn my gifts to good account.  Onl--

Duo: WHAT?!  I gotta give it away??!  *shakes head furiously* I don't wanna-I don't wanna!!!!

. . .

Papa Treize:  My advice to you is to seek out a land where my gift is still unknown, and your fortune is made.

Duo: I don't wanna-I don't wanna-Iyada-iyada-IYADA!!!

. . .

And so, after the death of their father, th--

Treize: I'm dead already.

. . . yes.

Treize: I thought I would have a better role.

*sweats* But it IS a good role!  You start the whole story.  Without YOU, there would be NO story!

Treize: ...How ignorant do you think I am.

...

MOU!  Why are you all being so difficult?

Duo: Iyada-iyada,iyadaaaaaa!!!

...

You're dead.  Deal with it.

Treize: *pouts and walks off stage* I didn't even get to see my dragon once...

Backstage Wufei: Ye~ES!

And SO, after the death of their father, the eldest decided to begin his journey with his cock to gain his fortune.

Heero: I'm going now.

Duo and Trowa: *sitting in front of TV* Yea, yea, bye.

So, Heero set off with his cock, but wherever he went, in every town he saw from afar off, everyone knew what a cock was.  Everywhere he went he heard the crows of one and his bird was therefore nothing new.  So it didn't seem as if there were much chance for him to make his fortune.

Heero: Lousy, idiot father...

Despite Heero's rotten luck, he continued on...not wanting to return home as a failure and have both his brothers yuk it up.  He could just hear it now...

Scene wavers...

Duo: Yo Heero!  How'd it go?  Rich yet?

Trowa: *standing beside Duo, nodding his head a lot in question*

Heero: ...

Duo: Wait! Don't tell me...you got squat.  sideway glances at Trowa, who does the same

D&T: BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!  What a LOSER!  Couldn't even make a fortune with his cock! 

and laughing continues.

and continues.

and continues all through the night

and the day after

and the day after that

and the...I think you get the idea.

Scene fades back to Heero traveling...

Heero's eyes narrow as he clutches his cock tighter in his arms.

Heero: Ninmu...must accomplish...no failure...

Without even realizing it, Heero now stood on an island.  Taking a look at the expanse of water behind him, he shrugged and walked on.  Soon enough, he--

Duo: Hold on a cotton pickin' minute. *looks at what he just said* Hey!  What the hell did you just make me say?!  Cotton pickin'???!!!!  INJUSTICE!

*Wufei pops head out of trap door*  Oi, are you mocking me Maxwell.

Duo: No...not really.

With a hmph, Wufei disappeared once again.

Ahem, soon enough he came to--

Duo: Now wait just a darn minute...will you quit it!  Darn?!

Hey, I'd like to keep this rated G, PG-13 at the most, you know.  So what's wrong now?

Duo: People can't walk on water.

...

And your point?

Duo: Well, from the looks of it, Heero just did.

And...

Duo: *throws his arms in the air* Forget it! *disappears in a poof of smoke*

Ahem, as I was saying...Soon enough he came to a village and it appeared as if a village meeting was taking place as he did.

Villager # 1: We must find a solution to this problem!

Villager # 2:  Yes, yes, we MUST!  How am I supposed to have a 2 o' clock in the morning snack, if I don't know when it is two in the morning.

A woman screams.

Screaming Woman:  The horror!  The _HORROR_!!!!

Woman faints.

Screaming Woman, now Fainting Woman: ...

Villager # 69: My dearest wife!  *clutches Screaming Woman, now Fainting Woman, now Unconscious Woman and looks at mayor* You see what this problem has done!  A solution!  We need a solution!!!

The mayor twisted the white cloth in her hands, occasionally flicking back her long blonde hair.  "Yes, yes.  Of course.  That is why we are having this meeting."  Mayor Relena looked helplessly into the crowd.  Her eyes stopped abruptly at a pair of piercing cobalt eyes and a head full of unruly brown hair.

*insert gawking and mouth drooling*

Mayor Relena: *Picks her chin off the ground and raises a shaking finger*  "Y-You sir!"

Heero looks in both directions, and then points a finger to himself.

Mayor Relena: Yes you!  You-hunk-alicious-where have you been all my life-SIR!  What do you propose we should do?

Heero: ...

Mayor Relena: Come, come now man.  What do you suggest we do?

Heero: ...

Mayor Relena: Now sir, it does not help if you say nothing.  Wha--  *someone tugs on her sleeve*

Mayor Relena looks down.

Mayor Relena: What is it Marimeia?  Can you not see how busy I am?

Marimeia:  But Relena-sama, he's not a villager *points to tag # on her chest, indicating that she is Villager # 14 and then points to Heero's chest*  See.

Mayor Relena: Oh I see.  Thank you Marimeia.  *pats little red-head and pushes her off the stage*  

Damn, she thinks to herself, now how else to catch him...*looks at Heero*  ah ha!

Mayor Relena:  Sir!  What have you in your hands?

Heero: A cock.

*insert whispering and utter confusion sounds*  Mayor Relena raises her hands, signaling silence.

Mayor Relena:  A cock?  What is a cock my knight in shining armor-save me from this horrible lifestyle-SIR?!

PING!

A thought strikes Heero's mind, causing his eyes to widen slightly, before a smirk came to his oh-so luscious-kiss me baby with all your worth-lips...ahem.

Heero: *lifts script out of his shirt, reads his lines, puts script back in shirt and opens mouth*  Behold!  What a noble animal this is!  How like a knight he is!  How utterly idiotic this script is!

HEY!  Stick to the lines Heero!

Heero: *clears throat* He carries a bright red crest upon his head and spurs upon his heels.  He crows three times every night at stated hours, and at the third time the sun is about to rise.  But this is not all.

Villagers & Mayor Relena:  It isn't?!

Heero: No.  Sometimes he screams in broad daylight--

Villager # 52:  No kidding!

Heero: *glares at wisecracking villager, makes a mental note to kill him, before continuing* --and then you must take warning, for the weather is surely about to change. (1)

Villagers & Mayor Relena: Oooo...Ahhhh...

Villager # 52:  Wait a minute.  How do we know if this is so?  He could be lying!  A LIAR!!!!

Heero: *mental note to self, kill him and make it very, very, VERY painful*

Mayor Relena:  True...why not let us test it.  Kind sir!  May we see if thou animal does what thou sayeth it do?  *mutters to self*  Who the heck wrote this script...

an anvil falls out of the sky and lands on Mayor Relena

Mayor Relena: ITAI!  *shakes fist to the sky*

Dorothy falls out of the sky and lands on Mayor Relena's lap

Dorothy: Relena-sama!  How bout you and me do the horizontal polka tonight? *wiggles those eyebrows of hers*

Mayor Relena:  *blanches* I'LL BE GOOD!  I'LL BE GOOD!  JUST GET HER AWAY FROM ME!!!!!!!!

*Dorothy disappears in a poof of purple smoke*

Duo: Why purple?

*shrugs*

So~ Heero agrees and that night, all stayed up and to their joy, heard the cock crow the hour at two, four, and six o' clock.  So intent on their happiness that their problems were solved, none heard the pitiful screams of Villager # 52 who mysteriously disappeared and was never to be seen again.  Nor did they understand why Heero had such a blissful look in his eyes the next morning...

Mayor Relena: Ano...eto...We must have this bird!  Is it for sale?!  Please sir, would thou selleth this bird and if were-eth on sale, how much would thou selleth it for?

Heero smiled proudly, so happy that his fortune was made and replied loudly, forgetting about something in the script that bothered him the night before.

"About as much gold as an ass can carry."

Now he remembered.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

Duo: *wipes tears from eyes* How BIG should this ASS _be_ Heero?!!! *rolling on the floor*

Quatre:  *laughing* Go-Gomen Heero, but--*joins Duo on the floor*

Wufei: *turning a fine shade of blue*  Control...control...must keep control...

Trowa: Ha ha. Ha ha.

Heero: *face turns bright red*  'Control...perfect soldier always in control...CONTROL DAMNIT!  Okay...calm...kill them all later. Yes!  I'll kill them alllll later.' ...

Mayor Relena: *wipes tears out of eyes* A v-very fair pr-price for such an animal.  Here you go.

Heero snatches the ass's reigns and stalks off the island.  The echoing of laughter continues as he crosses the ocean.

Scene fades and opens to a shot of H&D&T's shack

The door slammed open, snapped off its hinges and landed on the floor with a loud THUMP.  Blue eyes pierced through the dust at violet and green blinking ones.

Heero: *monotone* Tadaima.

Duo & Trowa: O..kae...ri...

Heero stepped aside and presented them with his fortune.  Both Duo and Trowa tossed their Nintendo 64 controllers over their shoulders and ran up to their brother.

Duo: Wow Heero!  I can't believe you did it!!  Look how BIG that ASS is!

Trowa: *nods a lot in agreement*

Heero: ...Duo.

Duo: *looks up from petting the animal* Yes, oh brother dear?

Heero: How close to Death do you want to become?

Duo: ...

Trowa: *blink-blink*

Heero pushes past the two and settles himself in front of the TV, continuing the game where the other two left off.

Duo: ...um, I guess it's my turn now.  *turns to the door*  Let's see what fortune I can make with this pitchfork.  *walks out the door*

A moment later, Trowa drags Duo back into the house, pulls the pitchfork out of the weeping boy's hands and hands him his scythe.

Duo:  *pouts and slinks out of shack, dragging the scythe behind him*  This better be worth it...

scene shifts to Mayor Relena's bungalow

*glass shatters onto ground in sudden realization*

DAMN!

HEEEEEEROOOOOOO!!!!!

End Part One

Notes:

(1) This entire speech about what a rooster is (I will not say the C word.  It just seems plain...weird to me...), was taken directly from Grimms' Fairy Tales by The Brothers Grimm *lifts up book*  I looovvve this book ^_^


	2. The Three Children of Fortune...Part Two...

*The scene opens revealing a fairly tall female with long black hair and brown eyes. Dressed all in black because she feels like it, she raises a microphone to her lips* 

Yo. *clears throat* Ahem. We last left off with Duo heading off on his own journey to acquire his fortune. But first, let's recap on the events that have already taken place. 

*takes a step to the left* Heero *Said boy falls out of the sky and lands beside her* 

Heero: Omae o korosu. 

. . . yea. Well, Heero managed to find a land where its people hadn't a clue what a cock was. Ahem. Yes, I said "cock". Not a clock or a dock, but a cock. A cooock. 

Moving on . . . 

Heero also managed to sell his "cock" for a very great sum. *looks at Heero* Now how much was it Heero? 

Heero: . . . 

Come now, Heero. This isn't a time to be shy. 

Heero: . . . Omae o korosu. 

No, no. That wasn't the line at all! Now Heero, if you don't say the line, I'll rewrite the ending of part one so that you end up with Relena. 

Cast members minus Relena: GASP! She wouldn't! 

Duo: Oh yes she would. *turns to Heero* You better do what she tells you to man. It's not a hard choice. You either give up your pride or you get . . . it *shudders* 

Heero: . . . asmmphmamophmarries . . . 

What? I can't hear you~! 

Heero: *deadpan* As much as an ass can carry. 

*random hollers and laughter from backstage* 

Now was that so hard to say? *smiles innocently while biting back her laughter* 

Heero: Omae o korosu. 

Yes . . . well then. Returning from his long journey, Heero took Duo's place in the Mariokart game and Duo left on his journey to find a land where no one knew what a scythe was. 

Duo: It was a pitchfork. 

A pitchfork? Oh, okay. He left on his journey with his - hey! *looks at script then at Duo* You thought you could pull one over me did you? 

Duo: *shrugs* Almost worked. 

*glares then notices the dwindling audience* WAIT! I'm done. _Really_! *clears throat* And now without further delay . . . 

The Three Children of Fortune . . . Part Two! 

Enjoy! ^_^ 

"The Three Children of Fortune" Part Two! 

A parody by Mika ^_^ 

"WILD WING BOYS densetsu no tsubasa de sora wo kakeru-hm-hm-HM-hm . . . " 

Skipping and humming along his way, Duo traveled afar in search of a land where a scythe was unknown to the people. He was currently on a dusty trail between villages, where only cows roamed in the fields beside him. The cows were chewing and chewing and chewing and chewing and doing all sorts of other cow things. 

Stopping suddenly in his tracks, Duo took a long look to his right, then a long look to his left. Taking a deep breath . . . 

Duo: "Ashita e no atsui omoi kanjite TAKE OFF~~~!!!" 

The cows continued to chew. They've seen weirder things. 

Duo brought his hands back down, nodding and smiling in satisfaction, he continued on. Walking over a hill, his gaze met that of a village he had never seen before. 

Duo: *rubs hands together gleefully* All right! Time to make some mo~oney!

Five minutes later . . . 

Villagers: WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA~~~!!!!! 

We see Duo slink his way out of the village, face very red. 

Duo: *muttering* They didn't have to laugh _that_ hard. Dang villagers *looks at what he just said, but is too preoccupied to care* Now if only I can find a island like Heero did . . . Heero . . . *gets dreamy look in eye* 

*Narrator whaps him over the head* 

Duo: OW! What did you do that for?! 

Narrator: You're brothers, so none of those "thoughts" until _after_ the show, Duo-kun. 

Duo: *mumbles* Garsh darn it, dang it all to heck! *wipes a hand over his face* WHAT are you making me SAY??!!! 

Mika aka Narrator: That happens to be one of my favorite lines. Made it up myself ^_^v 

Duo: *dryly* You should be very proud . . . *mutters* there goes my reputation . . . 

Mika: Maa, maa! If you lift your head, I promise you'll be verrry happy! 

Duo: *looks up* Hey! I'm on an island!! 

Mika: *nod nod* 

Duo: *rolls up sleeves* All right! Let's get this over with. 

So as you can see, as luck would have it, Duo came to an island where the people ate corn for a living. Unfortunately, they had to pull each individual corn up by themselves, which became such a tiresome act day after day after day after day after day . . . 

Islander #47: *wipes sweaty brow* What I wouldn't give for something that could just chop these corn stalks off instead of me having to pull it up myself. 

Islander #13: You said it. It would really make life easier. 

Islander #12: You know what would even be better? 

Islander #47 & #13: What? 

Islander #12: If we didn't have to eat corn. 

All islanders in cornfield: *sighs* Yeah . . . 

Overseer Hilde: People, people. Corn is good for you! We've eaten it all our lives and none of us has ever fallen ill. 

Islander #52: But what about Islanders #20-30? They turned yellow. 

Overseer Hilde: . . . All right! Enough chitchat. Back to work! 

Overseer Hilde turns on her heel and smack into black fabric. 

Duo: Ahoy there! I think I can be of some help. 

Overseer Hilde: Oh my GOD! I can't SEE!!! Everything just suddenly went dark!! I'm blind!! Blind at such a young age! There goes my youth. I'll never see another sunset, another sunrise, another Popcorn Doll Festival!! *sobs* 

. . . 

Duo: Ano~ *scratches head and steps back* 

Overseer Hilde: ::blink-blink:: I can SEE!!!! *reaches out and grasps Duo's hand* Thank you so much sir! How can I ever repay you! 

Duo: *irked* Sir...? 

Overseer Hilde: *drags Duo to her house* Come with me. I'll feed you the best corn porridge you've ever tasted! Then you can have some corn on the cob and some popcorn flavored ice cream for desert! 

Duo: That's very kind of you . . . uh . . . 

Overseer Hilde: Overseer Hilde. That's my name. But _you_ *blinks lashes* can just call me Hilde. 

Duo: . . . o . . . kay. Well, Over—I mean Hilde. I'd love to eat your . . . corn - but I'm kind of on a tight schedule. 

Overseer Hilde: ::blinks:: Oh. *then notices the object he is wielding* What is that sir? 

Duo: *points at scythe* You don't know what this is? 

Overseer Hilde: *shakes her head* 

Duo: *leans forward until their noses are almost touching* You _really_ don't know what this is?? 

Overseer Hilde: *nods head* 

Duo: One moment please. *spins around, does a little happy dance before turning back* Ahem. I think rather than tell you, I'll _show_ you what this thing does. 

They walk over to the cornfield and Duo motions for all to gather around him. He lifts his scythe up for all to see and begins to speak loudly. 

Duo: Come one, come all! Be prepared to be amazed! My fellow corn people, I hold here the tool that will solve your back-straining problems. In my hands, I hold a scythe. It's incredible! It's fantastic! It's even better than those perforated paper towels! 

Islander 13: Do you mean the ones that allow you to choose how long a piece of paper towel you want??!! 

Duo: *smirks* Are there any others? 

Overseer Hilde: Oh my! *clasps hands together in excitement* Please show us what this wonderful thing does . . . um, er-- 

Duo: My name's Duo. Duo Maxwell. I run, I hide, but I don't lie. 

Overseer Hilde: ::blink-blink:: Really? 

Duo: . . . really what? 

Overseer Hilde: You _really_ don't lie?? 

Duo: *frowning a bit* I just said that didn't I? 

Overseer Hilde: Just making sure. *eye glints mysteriously* All right then. Carry on . . . 

Duo: *smiles uneasily at Hilde while whispers to random islander beside him* What's up with her? 

Random Islander: *whispers* Oh, well you see, a month back some riffraff by the name of Zechs Merquise happened to travel by our island. He looked like such an honest and kind man and Overseer Hilde had quickly fallen in love with him and vice versa. They looked like such a sweet couple, that is until one morning Overseer Hilde had woken up alone in bed and found that her secret prized Corn pea soup recipe was missing. Now you see that there recipe was very important to Miss Overseer Hilde. *notices shocked expression on Duo and pats him on back* Now don't you worry Mr. Duo. We islanders banded together and caught that rapscallion and gave him what for ^_^ *licks lips* Yep! That was the BEST corn pea soup ala Zechs I've ever eaten. *pulls something out of pocket* Also got me a souvenir lock of hair from the poor sap. Heh! 

. . . 

Duo: *thinking* Must stay calm. Keep smiling, Duo. Mustn't let the corn people know you're afraid of them. Yes . . . that's right. Calm . . . *makes pitiful sound* Help me! 

scene wavers to H&D&T's shack 

Heero: *straightens suddenly* . . . 

Trowa: *looks away from TV* Heero? 

Heero: . . . nothing. Just thought I heard the baka. Let's play. 

Trowa: . . . *nods* 

Heero: *thinking* Why do I suddenly have the urge to kill corn . . . 

scene wavers back to Corn Island 

Random Islander: So you see, Mr. Duo, Overseer Hilde isn't too fond of dishonest men, if you catch my drift. 

Duo: . . . Uh sure. *thinking* Must get out of here FAST. Who knows what these corn people will do to me. *takes a calming breath and lifts his scythe in the air* Watch and be AMAZED! 

A pathway is made in the crowd as Duo walks to the cornfield. Smirking, he set to work with his scythe, mowing down the islanders' whole crop so quickly that the islanders and Overseer Hilde stood staring openmouthed with wonder (1). Duo finishes in no time and smiles confidently. 

Duo: So, what do you think? 

Islanders + Overseer Hilde: HOW MUCH?! 

Duo: As much as an AS-whoa! *in sing-song voice* Almost did a Heero ^_^ 

*random chuckling throughout stage* 

**BAM! **

All heads turn, as one of the prop trees fall unceremoniously to the ground and all watch as Trowa tries futilely to hold Heero back. 

Heero: *eyes of rage* OMAE O KOROSU!!!! HANASE! I'm going to KILL you Duo! Let me GO, Trowa! *begins struggling and kicking* 

Trowa: Ow. Ow. 

Heero is edging forward inch by inch, dragging a resisting Trowa, and heading straight for Duo. All islanders and Overseer Hilde have been smart enough to move out of Heero's way. 

Duo: *holding hands in a placating gesture in front of him* Now Heero. C-Calm down. 

Heero: DUO! You're DEAD!!!!! *Chases Duo, hands outstretched for the American's neck, and pulling Trowa along for the ride* 

Duo: AHHHHHHHHH~~~~!!!! HELP!!! *running* 

Trowa: *holding on for dear life* *monotone* Stop, Heero, stop. 

Heero: ARRRRRGGGGGGGGH— 

This program seems to be having some technical difficulties ^_^ Please be patient while we fix this problem. As an added bonus, we've brought Quatre to entertain you while this is being done. Thank you for your patience ^_^ 

*A surprised Quatre is pushed out onto stage* 

Quatre: ::blink-blink:: Oh. Um, hi everyone. *waves* It seems that we're having a small problem right now— 

MWAHAHAHAHA~! *loud crashing sounds* I'LL KILL YOU DUO! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! 

HELP MEEEEE~~~~~!!!!! 

. . . 

Quatre: Um . . . *fidgets uneasily* Now what should we do while we wait— 

A very early nineties techno music explodes from the speakers, interrupting our blonde here. Recognizing the song, Quatre's eyes widen. 

Quatre: Ohhh no. Nuh uh. 

Spotlight hits him. 

Quatre: You _can't_ be serious, Mika! 

Mika: ^__^V 

I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt . . . So sexy it hurts 

Quatre: What happened to trying to keep this PG rated?? 

Mika: *shrugs* Oh well. *whistles innocently* ^_^ 

And I'm too sexy for Milan, too sexy for Milan. . . New York and Japan 

Catherine: *whistles* Woo! Go Quatre! 

Quatre: *squirms uneasily* Catherine . . . 

And I'm too sexy for your party, too sexy for your party . . . 

Noin: *gives a dismissive wave* You might as well take it off, Quatre. 

Quatre: NANI?! O_O 

Trowa: *monotone* Take it off. 

Quatre: *shocked* Trowa! 

No way I'm disco dancing 

I'm a model, you know what I mean . . . And I do my little turn on the catwalk 

Quatre: -_- *sighs* Oh all right. 

Yeah, on the catwalk . . . on the catwalk, yeah, I do my little turn on the catwalk 

Quatre begins bopping his head and dancing to the beat. His hands in the meantime begin to unbutton the top of his white collared shirt with ease, as if he's done this before . . . 

Quatre: MIKA! 

Mika: Gomen, gomen ^_^; 

I'm too sexy for my car, too sexy for my car, too sexy by far . . . 

Quatre takes his shirt slowly off before walking towards Trowa, hips swaying and tosses the clothing on top of both Catherine and Noin. 

Catherine + Noin: HEY! 

And I'm too sexy for my hat, too sexy for my hat, what do you think about that? 

Quatre smiles, one hand lightly touching Trowa's face as he uses the other to unbuckle his belt. 

Trowa: //_^ 

I'm a model - you know what I mean - and I do my little turn on the catwalk 

Quatre leans in and kisses Trowa lightly on the lips as he tosses his belt to the side. Dragging the willing brunette up onto the stage, Quatre begins to unbutton his pants. 

Catherine + Noin: *still covered in shirt* We wanna see! We wanna see! 

Yeah on the catwalk, on the catwalk yeah. . . I shake my little touche on the catwalk 

Trowa, who we still do not know HOW had managed to get away from holding back Heero, seized Quatre's hand and began doing the honors himself. 

And I'm too sexy for my . . . too sexy for my . . . too sexy for my . . . Cause I'm a model - you know what I mean - and I do my little turn on the catwalk 

Leaning back, Quatre kisses Trowa fervently, as Trowa does in return and suddenly the music stops with a screech and the floor on which both are on is being lowered and when it rises back up, it is empty. 

We seem to have fixed the problem and we will now be returning to The Three Children of Fortune . . . Part Two! ^_^ 

Quatre: To-Torowa! *gasps* 

Mika: *blushes* *murmurs* Quiet you two ^_^ Ahem. And now, back to Corn Island! 

*curtain opens* 

Duo: *mutters* Quatre got some. Trowa got some. Even Catherine AND Noin got to watch a little bit. Stupid Mika. 

Mika: *eye twitch* Duo. You're. On. 

Duo: Eep! Um, I mean. So, what do you think? 

Islanders + Overseer Hilde: HOW MUCH?! 

Duo: As much as a HORSE can carry. *wink-wink* 

*muffled sounds of rage heard backstage and random thumping—not that kind of thumping you hentai!* 

Quatre: Unh~ Trowa . . . 

Mika: -_- 

Ahem, anyway, Duo returned home with a horse laden with as much gold as it could carry. Happily he flung open the door to his and Heero and Trowa's shack and brought the horse inside to show to his brothers. 

Duo: Yoo hoo! Anybody ho~ome? *spots gagged Heero tied to chair* Heero! Look at what my scythe got me! *brings horse to Heero* It was hard to part with the scythe, but I HAD to do it, if not for father's sake *gags* Che, yea right . . . 

Heero: *mad glint in eye* MmphMmnn! 

Duo: *brings hand to ear* What? You're proud of me? Is that right Heero? 

Heero: MmmfphMMMm! 

Duo: Aww, I know I did better than you, dear brother, but you don't have to point that out. 

Heero: MMMMMM!!!!!! 

Duo: What? You think I'm gorgeous too? Now Heero, we're brothers. That wouldn't be right. 

Heero: *growls* ARGH~!!!!!! 

Duo: *leans back from Heero and looks around their shack* Ne, where's Trowa? 

Trowa falls as gracefully as one can out of the sky and onto the wooden floor of their shack. He hurriedly stands up, tucks in his green tunic and runs a hand through his bang, face clearly flushed. 

Duo: *dryly* Hello dear brother Trowa. May I ask where YOU were? 

Trowa: . . . 

Duo: *pouts* Hmph. Well, look at what _I_ brought home. 

Trowa: *looks at Duo's horse and nods* . . . 

Duo: Thanks. I guess it's your turn now. 

Trowa: *nods and picks up his cat* 

Before he leaves however, Trowa takes one last glance at Heero then nods at Duo. Duo waves dismissively. 

Duo: Don't worry. I'll make sure he's fed and what not. 

Heero: *making sounds of outrage* MMMMMM! 

Trowa: . . . *nods and leaves* 

Duo: *waves* Bye! *turns to Heero, glint in eye* Hee-chan . . . 

End Part Two 

Notes: 

(1) Line taken directly from Grimms' Fairy Tales novel. 

Disclaimer: I do not own the song "I'm Too Sexy". It belongs to Right Said Fred and probably some er people, just NOT me. Please do not sue. 

Up next . . . "The Three Children of Fortune" Part 3: Trowa's journey ^_^ I'll see you then! 

Mika-chan 

July 24, 2000


	3. The Three Children of Fortune...Part Thr...

*cowering in the corner* 

Duo: *whispers to Quatre* What's wrong with her?

Quatre: *whispers* No one replied to the previous part. She's a bit down.

Duo: *audibly* Well that's not a big surprise! Who in their right mind would read something like this?

Quatre: *waving hands frantically* Not so loud, Du-

Mika: WAHHHHHHHHHHHH~~~! *buries head deeper in arms*

Trowa: . . . *pats her lightly on the back*

Quatre: Duo . . .

Duo: *throws hands up in the air* Okay, okay! *walks over to sadden ficcy writer* *mumbles* Sorry.

Mika: Puuuurrrrrrrr~~ *leans into Trowa's hand*

Trowa: //_^;

Quatre: . . . *eye twitch*

Duo: *blink-blink* *mutters* Why do I even bother . . .

Mika: Puuuuuurrrrrrrr~~ *nuzzle-nuzzle*

Trowa: //_^;;

Quatre: *twitch-twitch*

Duo: . . . Cut the act, Mika! *grumbles*

Mika: *eye wobbles* *sniffs* But-but no one replied *bawls* . . . Trowa, could you rub a little lower - Mmm, that's the spot =^_^=

Trowa: *blows bang out of face* ^_\\;;

Quatre: MIKA!!!!

Mika: Eep! *hides behind Trowa*

Ahem.

*all turn to see Wufei holding a piece of paper in his hand*

Wufei: It's here.

Mika: O_O *pushes past Trowa, who falls into Quatre's arms (^_~) and grabs paper out of Fei's hand* *reads page* ^_____^

Duo: *head falls* And the insanity continues . . . -_-

Quatre: *goofy grin on face* Torowa . . .

Trowa: *small grin* Katoru . . .

Quatre: *holds Torowa closer* Torowa . . .

Trowa: *snuggles deeper in Katoru's hold* Katoru . . .

Quatre: Torowa . . .

Trowa: Katoru . . .

Quatre: Torowa . . .

Trowa: Kat -

Du&Wu: URUSAI YO! *looks at each other* Hmph!

Mika: On with the show! ^_____^V

Duo: *mutters* Gets one lousy feedback and she continues . . . where's the justice . . .

Wufei: *perks* Justice! Now let me tell you something about justice! I -

Mika: *bops Fei on head* There's no time for ranting, Fei-chan ^_^ *claps hands* Okay! Everyone get into costume!

Wufei: *hands clench and unclench* *opens mouth*

Mika: *smirks* Dragon~

Wufei: *closes mouth and stalks off*

Duo: Whipped.

Quatre: Trained.

Trowa: And leashed.

Wufei: *pauses in step, shaking*

Mika: There's no time for fighting now. *looks at watch* We're already behind schedule. You should all take after Heero. *points backstage* He's already in costume AND on stage! *grins*

Heero: *still gagged and tied up* MMMMMMM!!!

Duo: So THERE you are, Heero! I was looking everywhere for you! *wiggles eyebrows* I missed you in bed last night . . .

Heero: *whimpers* mmmm . . .

Mika: All right! Enough chitchat!

All: Hai . . . *all move to change*

Warnings: Yaoi, the g-boys' stereotypes being stretched waaa~y out of proportion, and my lousy attempt at humor ^_^V

Disclaimers: Nope, not mine ;_;

"The Three Children of Fortune" Part Three!

A parody by Mika ^_^

. . .

. . .

. . .

. . .

*whispers* We now join Trowa as he makes his journey for his fortune.

. . .

. . .

. . .

*random bird chirp*

. . .

. . .

. . .

*BOINK!* *sound of bird getting pelt with a pebble*

. . .

. . .

. . .

*SPLAT* *sound of bird falling to ground*

. . .

Trowa stands, cat in hand, looking down sadly at the bird. He gives a moment of silence in respect to the brave little birdie.

. . .

. . .

. . .

. . .

. . .

*whispers* And Trowa continues along his way.

. . .

. . .

. . .

. . .

Duo: ALL RIGHT! THAT'S IT!! What the *BEEP-BEEP-BEEPITY-BEEP-BEEP* are you trying to pull here?!! HOW the *BEEP-BEEP-BEEEEEP* STORY supposed to end if this keeps going on???!!!

. . .

Duo: Ohhh no! No more of that ". . ." Just get ON with it! Have Trowa land miraculously on an island and be done with it!

. . .

. . . Actually, I had something else planned. . .

Trowa: *nods while stroking his kitty*

Duo: So what the *beep* is keeping you?!

Mika: *dryly* A very foul-mouthed, braided baka.

Duo: HEY! Only Heero can call me that!

Heero: Baka.

Duo: See--HEY!

Wufei: *pops head from backstage* This is getting way out of hand. May we please continue?

Duo: *gives Fei an odd look* And why is _he_ actually going along with this?

Mika: *shrugs* He gets to be king.

All: Ohhhh~

Wufei: *flips his cape over his shoulder and proceeds to ignore them all*

Mika: Now as I was saying, before I was so RUDELY interrupted *looks pointedly at a certain teen with braided brown hair*

Duo: *pulls down eyelid* Biiii~da! *disappears in a poof of smoke*

Mika: Yes, well then. Trowa traveled and traveled and traveled and traveled until at last he passed over to an island where as it chanced most fortunately for him that nobody had ever seen a cat.

Duo: *pops head in from trapdoor* What the--how was this any different than how Heero and I landed on an island?!

Mika: *frowns* Well, clearly you haven't been paying attention at _all_ to this story. *pulls out remote* Let's backtrack for a bit.

zzzzzwiiiiiiiiip~

Without even realizing it, Heero now stood on an island. Taking a look at the expanse of water behind him, he shrugged and walked on.

zzzzzwiiiiiiiiip~

Duo: *mumbles* Garsh darn it, dang it all to heck! *wipes a hand over his face* WHAT are you making me SAY??!!!

Mika AKA Narrator: That happens to be one of my favorite lines. Made it up myself ^_^v

Duo: *dryly* You should be very proud. . .*mutters* There goes my reputation. . .

Mika: Maa, maa! If you lift your head, I promise you'll be verrry happy!

Duo: *looks up* Hey! I'm on an island!!

Mika: *nod nod*

zzzzzwiiiiiiiiip~

Mika: Ahem, so as you can see, you all got onto the islands differently though Trowa definitely did more work than the two of you. *dreamy sigh* What a man . . .

Duo: . . . This was just some ploy for you to make me say that line again, wasn't it?

Mika: Why whatever are you talking about? *blinks innocently*

Duo: . . .

And so as it happened, Trowa came to an island where nobody had ever seen a cat. And as if he weren't such a lucky son of a gun already hundreds upon hundreds of mice also overrode the entire island.

*Duo refrains from commenting on the "son of a gun" line as he's grateful that _he_ wasn't the one to say it*

Yes, the kingdom was in quite a fix and not even the overly adorable, golden-skinned king . . . could . . . think of a . . . plan of action . . . *stares at script* I didn't write this.

scene switches to a luxurious, white-marbled bathroom where Treize lounges in a tub filled with rose-scented bubbles

Treize: *takes a sip of his wine*

Enter Lady Une.

Lady Une: Treize-sama, the necessary changes you requested have been made to the script.

Treize: *takes another sip of wine* Thank you, Lady Une. That will be all.

Exit Lady Une.

Treize: *leans back into the water smirking* If I'm to be killed off so early I must ensure that my dragon is properly dealt with.

A low chuckle echoes throughout the air as the scene dissolves back to the stage

Cast Members: . . .  


Wufei: *eyebrow twitch*

Mika: Uh. Yea. *begins crossing out lines from script* Moving on . . .

Yes, the kingdom was in quite a fix and not even the overly ador-er and not even the usually very bright king could devise a plan of action.

Enter King Wufei.

King Wufei: *mutters softly* . . . And thus my acting career begins. Watch as I amaze them all and save this pitiful excuse of a play! *inhales* Alas, alas! For what shall I ever do?! *beings running frantically around stage* How must I rid the kingdom of these cutey wutey micey wiceys?! Alas, alas, ala--What the--ONNA! What in Nataku's name are you making me say?!

Mika: *sips tea* I'm so glad you were able to help me with Wufei's lines. I've always had trouble writing his character.

Meiran: *smiling* It was no trouble at all. There's nothing I wouldn't do for my dear, WEAK husband.

Mika: *nod nod* *sips tea*

Wufei: O_O Mei-Meiran?

Meiran: *raises eyebrow*

Wufei: *passes out* @_@

Mika: Oh dear. *claps hands once*

Enter Maganacs.

They (yes all of them) proceed to drag Wufei off stage.

Mika: *sighs* King Wufei is gone. What to do, what to do . . .

A-Hem.

*Dorothy enters decked out in Queen attire*

Mika: *hits fist into other palm* Queen Dorothy! Why didn't I think of that?

Dorothy: *tosses hair over her shoulder* Because apparently you are very dimwitted.

Mika: . . .

Duo: *ROTFL*

Dorothy: *continues* As is a certain American who clearly has a deranged fixation with death.

Duo: . . .

Mika: *not so dimwitted as to comment in the obviously tense room* . . .

Duo dives for Dorothy's neck, mad glint in eyes. He's stopped short as Heero snags onto his collar and proceeds to drag him off stage.

Duo: *struggling* Omae o korosu! Let me _go_, Heero! I'll get you later you *BEEEP!* Itai! Heero, I only want you to touch me gently. *cherry blossoms float across the stage (1)*

Heero: *snorts* Baka.

Mika: Ano . . . could we please continue now?

Silence.

Mika: Good ^_^

Yes, the kingdom was in quite a fix and not even the usually very brilliant _queen _could devise a plan of action.

Enter Queen Dorothy.

Queen Dorothy: As I've always said, never send in a _man_ to do a _woman's_ job. *smirks* So what must we do about this rodent problem?

Her question is answered with silence as there's no one in the room . . . This doesn't phase her one bit.

Queen Dorothy: *whips out fencing sword* I opt to skewer them all. What do you say?

Trowa, who had entered the castle a while ago though made no move to make his presence known when he noticed no other person in the castle save for the seemingly psychotic Queen *inhales a few breaths* ran forward and protested loudly.

Trowa: !

Queen Dorothy: *looks at Trowa* What's this?

Trowa: . . . . . . . .

Queen Dorothy: Cruelty to animals?? *scoffs and begins swinging sword in random wide arcs* We'd all be better off without the germ-infested pests.

Trowa: . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Queen Dorothy: A . . .cat . . . you say? What is this . . . cat?

Trowa indicates the animal with his hand.

Queen Dorothy: *bends down until she's nose to nose with cat* Do you really think this mere . . . cat is it, can rid my kingdom of these mice? *pokes cat on the side*

Trowa: *nods and pulls back as cat makes a slash for Queen Dorothy's nose*

Queen Dorothy: *smiles, eyeing the cat* Fine. You may try, but if in an hour it isn't done then I'm skewering them. *swings sword; Trowa ducks* HA!

And so Trowa released his cat into the kingdom and as promised, within an hour (fifty nine minutes and fifty-nine seconds to be precise) the island was rodent free.

Trowa: *gasping for breath* It's . . . done . . .

Queen Dorothy: *fingering her blade* So it is. Damn. *sheathes sword* Well then, I suppose a reward is in order, though did you really need to build an arc to ship those filthy rats off the land?

Trowa: *wipes brow and throws tools off to the side* *nod nod*

Queen Dorothy: So in exchange for this *looks down at fur ball in her arms* . . . what is it again?

Trowa: A cat. *looks sadly at said animal as it tries to wiggle out of Queen Dorothy's vice-like grip*

Queen Dorothy: *tightens hold on cat* Yes, in exchange for this cat what would you like?

Trowa: As much as a cow can carry.

Queen Dorothy: *stroking kitty* Done. *snaps fingers*

Enter Cow.

. . .

. . .

. . .

I _said_, enter _Cow_.

. . .

. . .

. . .

Queen Dorothy: *yawns*

Trowa: *does a back flip*

. . .

. . .

*sounds of struggle back stage*

You're _on_!

I look ridiculous!

Is it my fault you gained a few pounds since we've started this play?

_MIKA!_

Heh-heh. You know I'm only kidding ^_^;

*sniffs indignantly*

Will you just go? Don't be so selfish. Think of all of us who had to _suffer _through this _stupid _play.

HEY!

*sighs* You're right, Duo. I'm sorry.

Don't worry about it. Everyone's on edge because of this _stupid_ play. If any of you out there missed the italics, I emphasized that stupid.

Again--HEY!

Well, at least I get to see Trowa.

That's the spirit. Wish I got my Heero . . . Hmm . . .=) *runs off*

Mika, I'm ready.

*sniffs indignantly*

*monotone* Enter Cow.

Quatre dressed as a cow enters the room and-if-one-looks-close-enough-one-can-see-that-he's-gained-more-than-a-few-pounds. *laughs and points at Cow Quatre*

Cow Quatre: *too busy staring at Trowa to listen to comment*

Mika AKA Narrator: *stops laughing* *mutters* Inappreciative anime characters . . .

Queen Dorothy: *still holding cat* So, there's your cow. Go on take the vile thing.

And Trowa did, wholeheartedly and quickly left the kingdom. He returned home with his "cow" about two months later, seven weeks longer than was needed. (In those two months he got to know his "cow" very well *wink-wink-nudge-nudge*).

Door to H&D&T's shack swings open and Trowa enters. He blinks as there's a scramble before Heero and Duo are standing on opposite sides of the room, clothes very rumpled.

Duo: *flushed* Hey Trowa! Glad to see you back.

Heero: *straightens his clothes and sets his face to its usual impassive expression* . . .

Duo: *tying hair into braid* So, what took you so long?

Trowa: . . . . *points to Cow Quatre*

Cow Quatre: *waves* ^_^

Duo: I . . . see . . . *mutters* Lucky son of a gun.

. . .

Duo: *wipes hand over face*

Mika: *flashes V sign*

And without much argument the three brothers agreed that after this entire ordeal Trowa came out to be the richest of them all.

Oh, and of course they all lived happily ever after.

Trowa: //_^

Cow Quatre: ^_^

Heero: . . .

Duo: *grumbles*

. . . Well, more for some than others ^_~

The End

curtains close

*All Cast Members rejoice*

Duo: IT'S OVER! It's _OVER_! *begins throwing confetti in all directions*

Heero: Ninmu kanryou. *quickly exits building*

Trowa: *holding hands with Quatre* //__^

Quatre: ^__^

Wufei: INJUSTICE! I only had one pathetic line in this ridiculous excuse of a play! I, who am obviously the most brilliant, _DESERVE _proper recognition! What-- *continues to ramble*

Duo: *dryly* I don't know why you're so upset about that.

Sally: I didn't even appear in this story. Oh wait. Now I have.

Mika: Yes, you have. And now I'm done ^_^v Thank you all for reading ^__^ *waves*

*screen blacks out*

INJUUUU~STICE!

Notes:

(1) Reference to Sailor Moon Stars. Haruka: Itai, Michiru. I only want you to touch me gently.

Or it was something like that ^_~

Additional Note:

"The Three Children of Fortune" had a different ending, but in my opinion it was a bit . . . terrible ^^; Well, the third brother was deemed the richest of the three, but they didn't stop the story there. The story went back to the castle with the cat and it seemed that there was quite a panic as the cat was meowing and the people had no idea what the cat wanted or was doing -_-; And while everyone was running around panicking the cat slipped out of the window and left. And then it ended there. Uh huh. Yea.

Okie . . . Bye! =D

Mika-chan

September 22, 2001 


End file.
